I knew it would happen at some point. A lull or exile from my reflections. Finding myself sort of empty and unfulfilled. Serving, yes, but not passionate or inspired by anyone or anything. It seems to happen to me from time to time. I sort of fall off the wagon and find myself in kind of a no-man's-land until something finally wakes me up.
The source of my wake up came this morning while cleaning out my desk. I found some notes I had taken from a Cursillo I attended three years ago. It read: "God's grace. Unearned. Unqualified love. God is actively working for your love at all times." The words stung my face. Actively? With action. No boundaries. I suddenly wondered what in the world was wrong with me. Inactive. Without action. Boundaries. Self focused. Uninspired. Blah. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
Well...life happens. We make choices. We give less time to the things that matter most. We find less time to pray and tell ourselves we will get to it later. It goes on and on. And then as I'm digging through stacks of paper, it's God's words that shake me from this fog. God has never left. He is actively working for my love every second of every day. And there it is...God's grace being delivered when I am my most vulnerable and undeserving. I am humbled beyond belief.
My notes end with a single sentence. "Sin is not only what you do, it's also what you don't do." And I wonder how it is that I find myself in these valley's where I am incapable of receiving God's love? Regardless of where I've been, I know this is part of a beautiful journey. It is in these moments of conversion that I find my most authentic self and wake up. Home again in the peace of God's perfect love.
LizzieB+
This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good. What I do today is very important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever leaving something in it's place I have traded for it. I want it to be a gain, not a loss - good, not evil. Success, not failure in order that I shall not forsee the price I paid for it. -A Prayer Bear Bryant kept in his wallet
